If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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