Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
