His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
