is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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