How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
