i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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