so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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