pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
