thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
