so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
