Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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