Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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