I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
