We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
