I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
