The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
