Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
