Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
