i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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