Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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