i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
