There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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