if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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