there's paper in my vomit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
