If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
