thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
