Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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