you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My bed smells like the plague
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