Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
