"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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