If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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