This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
