Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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