I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
