you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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