I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
