It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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