I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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