My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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