Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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