Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
