Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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