dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
