call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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