i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
