whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
