She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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