so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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