I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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