when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My penis needs a shock collar
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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