4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
