your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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