i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
