she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
