It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
