Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
