I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
