glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
