Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Farmville is her only friend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
