Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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