she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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