You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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