In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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