i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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