i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
