All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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