You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
