I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
